Friday That Guy Sucks

So I tried to wait on insulting players that technically haven't played any games for the White Sox. I TRIED. But when I realized that I needed to hate on a sox player this week, one guy jumped to mind. And yes, he's new, and yes, you didn't pay for him, and yes, the production you could feasibly get from him with regards to how much you paid....But you know what? Screw him, he sucks.

Andruw Jones (yes, with a u because his parents are awful) was once good. Then he turned 30, steroid testing was increased, and he went downhill faster than I did before I learned how to brake on skis. Now, I'm not saying his stats were steroid related, but a history of injuries suddenly appearing, and the fact that right after his FIRST worst season ever he showed up 20 pounds overweight and had an even worse season, well, that doesn't speak well of him.

He had several productive years, yes, back when he was Atlanta, and he earned several Gold Gloves playing there. I'm not going to deny that he used to be good, as is a common theme in these posts (not in two weeks though! i'm gonna hate the crap out of Juan Pierre) but the last 3 years he has been awful. In a contract year, 2007, he put up terrible numbers combined with a .222 batting average. He was never a great swinger, but .222? I could probably get a .222! The next year, after the Dodgers still gave him a contract, he showed up, as previously mentioned 20 pounds overweight. Now, if you were playing professional sports for a living, wouldn't you think that you'd want to show up healthy? (Geovany Soto, I'm looking right at you, here) That year he somehow hit a .158 and then ended the season on the DL again, for being too fat or some other crappy reason. Too much pie, that's his problem.

Last year, he somehow got playing time with the Rangers, for about half the season. He hit 17 home runs and had a .214 batting average. The Mendoza line is still at .200 people. He hit only 14 points better than the standard "crappy player" argument. And if we look at his monthly splits? April .344, May .245, June .170, July .209, August .167, September .179. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 3 of the 6 months out of the year he was abysmal. The Rangers probably had a better option if they had their pitchers bat for them. Those 17 home runs also stopped in July, too. Let's also add in the 72 strikeouts in 82 games, and only 3 sacrifice hits. Weeeeee. And if we want to play "Fun with split stats," which you know I do, let's consider his career against the Twins, the White Sox's main rival for the division crown. Do you want, career, or last year? Career, .143, and last year, .154. Hmm, how do I make that plane crash sound again? But hey, he hit .375 against the Tigers last year! Why, I'll bet he crushes.....what's that you say? .205 lifetime? Greaaaaaaaaat.

All I can say about him is that thank goodness you signed him to play DH. I'd be afraid of more Illinois earthquakes if he was running to catch a ball. Enjoy your 25 home runs and your DH's inability to do anything else. Heck, even 37 year old Jim Thome was able to hit .245 last year. But let the Twins sign him, it's not like they can do anything with another dangerous member in their lineup, noooooooooo.

At least I got to use all my fat joke tags for this.