Friday That Guy Sucks

So as promised from yesterday, I’m beginning a new series here called “That Guy Sucks!” I want to use it as a springboard for some of my thoughts about players of all sports and help me form more cogent arguments about why players are good or bad.

First, the obvious. I am not anywhere near as good of an athlete as any of the people I will critique. I will never be as good as them. That being said, most of the people I'm going to criticize here receive praise far more than their actual worth. Sportswriters or dipsh*t fans or announcers or someone gets the idea in their head that this player is the greatest thing since Babe Ruth or Walter Payton and then I get subjected to all sorts of pleas and questions and stories about this new hero.

Basically, it's the Brett Favre effect. Granted, Favre was unique in that since he has been around so long, he knows all the journalists as friends, so they treat him better. But the point remains the same. And while bashing Favre is fun and all, there's a limit to that. Besides, he's ended the last 3 years of his career with interceptions, leads the league in all time number of interceptions, and has won the same number of Super Bowls as Eli Manning or Joe Theismann. Frankly, I salute the man's longevity, but I'm not here to complain about Favre. Fish in a whiny, retiring barrel.

I'm here to hate on Mark DeRosa.

What? John, how could you? He's a Cubbie legend! He was the best second baseman the Cubs have ever had! He once cured my dog's cancer through hugs! His mere touch can make the blind see, the lame walk, the deaf hear! He was the strongest offensive member of our team!

OK, first, every single sentence in that previous paragraph is false, but you wouldn't know that according to the stereotypical Cub fan. (Side note, it's Cubs. Not Cubbies. Cubbies are where you store books in kindergarten, cubs are baby bears). The best second baseman we ever had was Ryne Sandberg, DeRosa sucked in the playoffs, and he cannot cure cancer. I have to criticize DeRosa first. Because of two main points. First, I need people to stop talking about how re-signing Mark DeRosa will solve all our problems. Second, if I criticize any other team first (White Sox) then I get comments about how I would never hate on my own team, blah blah blah. I'm planning on alternating weekly between a Cub player and a Sox player I hate, but they will be recent players and some may still be on the team (I'll hate on White Sox Juan Pierre but not Cubs Juan Pierre, as that was far enough ago that statute of limitations have passed on bitching about him. I may also start a competing "That guy rocks!" post if I can care enough....we'll see)

But to the meat of this post. Mark DeRosa will not save our team. He was good for the two years we had him, yes. But you know what happened since then? He aged a year, dropped 35 points in batting average (BA), lost almost 60 points in On Base Percentage (OBP, basically think of it as like BA but with walks included....and yes I'm oversimplifying), and just had offseason shoulder surgery. He's also 35, that point in time when baseball players haven't just started their skills decline but where they are already skiing down the mountain. If he hadn't played for us and had two good years (and keep in mind, I'm not denying those two good years....yet) no one would want to sign him. But because he has name recognition, well let's add him back to the team! He'll fix that hole we had in second base!

Except he won't. He would have cost too much money that the team didn't have (bankruptcy is expensive) and if we look at his defensive stats, (http://www.fangraphs.com/statss.aspx?playerid=1392&position=2B/3B), specifically UZR (which ranks defensive abilities of players) he is atrocious at 2nd base. Negative scores are bad. His "defense" at second was costing us runs. He was much better defensively at every other position, when he was playing as a super sub. But you know what? Half our team is super subs. We don't need to pay for another one when he already have such "capable" subs like.....Xavier Nady, Mike Fontenot, and Micah Hoffpaiiur? Seriously? That's my team? Aww, dammit.

So even though he makes every fangirl's naughty dreams with his masculine beard stubble, his defense is mediocre to bad and he just had shoulder surgery, and he is on the trending-down side of his career. Am I ecstatic about Baker? No, not really. But within a year, Starlin Castro (our SS prospect) should be ready, so Theriot can slide over to second, Castro can have short, and then I don't have to deal with any of this mess. Yes, Theriot will eventually need to get replaced too (BTW, did anyone else know that midget was 30? Holy crap, he looks like he's 12!) but we'll burn that bridge when we come to it. For now, though, this year it's Baker and Theriot all the way. And then things will get good in 2011!

I really wish as a Cubs fan that I wasn't already in "wait until next year mode." Ugh. Another post coming up after this one guys, so keep reading.